Mixed-up Feelings

I saw her, she's changed, i mean the dressing. No skirts yet, but blouse over jeans now, wears a vest or a hoodie.

I saw her, alone in the library, doing her own stuff. I went over to talk to her for awhile.

I saw her, locking arms with someone. He's like a brother to her, but the gesture, it just puts me off.

I saw and I saw and I saw...

I saw couples everywhere, anywhere, at anytime of the day. In the train, in school, while I'm downstairs of my house, outside, in church. Hugging together, holding hands, laughing together, talking to each other. The fixation into each person's eyes.

Then I had a dream, I was with her, the times we held hands, the times we were kissing, the times we were loitering downstairs of her house, the times we were outside on a date, the times we went to the movies, the times we went to eat out. Then the times I lost my temper at her, then The Time she broke up with me, the times I cried. Then I woke up.

I talked to friends, the topic of having a girlfriend just pops up. I laughed at it. Homework, assignments pouring in. I felt stressed up. I need to cry over it, but I cant, it would signal a sign of weakness if anyone sees it. I need to talk to someone about it. I cant talk to my parents (not close enough, it would seem weird), or a guy friend about it (pride, seemed too gay), or a girl friend (not my girlfriend, and she probably wont know how I feel and would not be dat interested to lend a listening ear, plus she might think I'm weird). Here I am, writing about it.

I need someone to pour out love abundantly, to share my thoughts with, to share my burdens, to share my happiness, to spend my money on, to satisfy my sexual urge for the opposite sex.

I need a girlfriend who will not disappoint me in the end but marry me and walk with me through the rest of my life.